goodbye august

I've been trying to start a sentence with the words 'August was,' but I can't. My life was uneventful, rich, exhausting, and good at the same time. Just like there are multitudes of emotions and thoughts and hopes & wishes in us people, there are multitudes of things going on in our lives simultaneously. I'm back to work, which is both good and exhausting. There's been a lot of harvesting to do, and some canning, jamming, & freezing to follow, which has been all good and has made me feel rich beyond belief, but has also been too much at times. There have been cabin weekends, there have been weekends of the staying at home and relaxing kind, and honestly, it's all a bit of a blur. In a good way? Maybe.

I think the most memorable, most good thing of all of August was our old-fashioned week. To not even think about social media, about reading the news online, about all the mail in your inbox, for a whole week, was so refreshing. Before that, I hadn't realized how much of my brain space goes into thinking about what I might, should, or could post on here or on Instagram. I've written about being under influence before, so I'm not going to do it again. Instead, I'm just going to say it was freedom in every possible way, that week long break.

Here's how we did it: Coming back from work and/or school, we'd leave our gadgets on a kitchen counter. If the phone rang, we would answer it, but otherwise we wouldn't touch our phones, or laptops, or iPads in the evenings. Instead we would bake, craft, read, or watch tv. Just like in the old days of landline phones. Gosh, just thinking about it makes me want to do it all over again, for good.

So, as it happens, I don't have much of 'stuff I loved in August' to share with you, because I haven't been watching or listening to much of anything. I did read several books in August, most of which I absolutely loved. I read Ellen by Pirkko Soininen, a fictional diary of Finnish expressionist painter Ellen Thesleff, and was carried away by it. I listened to Onnenkissa by Aino Vähäpesola while knitting, and while taking baths, and it spoke to me, it felt like she was speaking to me directly. I read more of Anna Gavalda, and enjoyed it like I always do. Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides was as beautiful as I expected it to be. I finally also finished reading Ramona Ausubel's exceptional collection of short stories called A Guide To Being Born.

The book that blew my mind, however, was a work of non-fiction by Eeva Kolu. The Finnish title, Korkeintaan vähän väsynyt, eli kuinka olla tarpeeksi maailmassa jossa mikään ei riitä, roughly translates to Just a Little Tired I Guess; or How To Be Enough in A World Where Nothing Is Enough. It's a story of depression, exhaustion, and overcoming them little by little, but it's also a commentary on our contemporary culture. I'd actually like to translate all of it for my English-speaking readers, but I'll just settle for a this short section from a chapter titled Strong Women:

"Must look good in jeans, but be relaxed about eating. Must be a conscious consumer, a climate vegan, and a feminist, but must not preach. Must find one's passion, but make a lot of money. Must not be glued to ones phone, but must reply messages instantly. Must not succumb to patriarchal beauty myths, but mus look good. (Preferably without hairy legs.) 

Must not postpone having children, but must only do it when one's finances, career, and relationship are steady enough. Must not care about money, status symbols, or likes, but the more one has them the better. Must be in control of life and oneself, but must not be uptight. Must own the right kind of things, and go to the right kind of places, but must also save money each month.

Must be spontaneous and full of surprises, but also be prepared for anything that might happen. Must be brave and try new things, but must not fail. Must be true to oneself and authentic, but must also please everyone. Must be honest, except about the things one shouldn't talk about.

The web of shame is woven out of expectations. Who, what, and how should I be to be accepted? The expectations are often contrary to, and competing with, one another." (Eeva Kolu: Korkeintaan vähän väsynyt, 2020: 66-67.)

I actually don't want to comment on this. I'll just leave it here for discussion, and go on to a lovely thing:

Which was our cabin weekend on the last weekend of August. It was perfect. It was everything. I hope you had something like that in your life in August, too.